Howie's Birthday Rant

This here is my birfday cookie
No, I did not save any for yew

This here is Howie

Get yer tissues ready. Here are the things I didn’t git to watch on TV lately even though it is my birfday:

Indiana Daytonapolis Five Hunnert

Western Monster Dog Show

And all I gots to say about it is it’s a buncha hooey that watching them two programs would result in me barkin and jumpin on daddy’s Flatscreen Preciously Loved TV. Just because last year I barked at all the big dogs at the Western Monster Show, and especially that one doggy who looked like a mop who I am sure wasn’t a doggy at all. And just because whenever a car races by on the TV and says rrrrrrrrrrrrrooooommmm zzzzoommm I like to chase it and bark my head off, is no reason to deny me these activities.

Most annoyin is when the big dog is on the screen barkin or jumpin around and then he walks off stage exit left and I have to run in the room behind the TV to see where da heck he went. Mommy has been wonderin lately why I’m getting so fat. Well HUL-LO!! These was the two only exercises I get all year! Additionally, I had made some discussions about winners with my good pal, Louie, on the Daytonapolis Five Hunnert and I didn’t get to see who won! Now I didn’t say we was bettin or anything, did I? Noooooo. Just discussions like, Hey Lou, who do you think will win and if they don’t win you can be my pal and send me summa those hot wings yer eatin that day. That sorta thing. Nodoggy was wired. Nodoggy was breakin international laws of transit, just cuz Lou lives in Caneeda and mails me stuff that should probably have been inspected and discarded years ago that I will enjoy eatin anyway. We didn’t say ANY of this stuff on deesposable cell phones. All the time I gets accused of stuff I didn’t do yet, but was only thinking about doing. It’s a crime to be treated like this.

And don’t even get me started on Anniebelly Bossypants, my lil sister. It’s all, lately, just a buncha hooey!!!