Howie's Fan Club

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Howie's Birthday Rant

This here is my birfday cookie
No, I did not save any for yew


This here is Howie

Get yer tissues ready. Here are the things I didn’t git to watch on TV lately even though it is my birfday:

Indiana Daytonapolis Five Hunnert

Western Monster Dog Show

And all I gots to say about it is it’s a buncha hooey that watching them two programs would result in me barkin and jumpin on daddy’s Flatscreen Preciously Loved TV. Just because last year I barked at all the big dogs at the Western Monster Show, and especially that one doggy who looked like a mop who I am sure wasn’t a doggy at all. And just because whenever a car races by on the TV and says rrrrrrrrrrrrrooooommmm zzzzoommm I like to chase it and bark my head off, is no reason to deny me these activities.

Most annoyin is when the big dog is on the screen barkin or jumpin around and then he walks off stage exit left and I have to run in the room behind the TV to see where da heck he went. Mommy has been wonderin lately why I’m getting so fat. Well HUL-LO!! These was the two only exercises I get all year! Additionally, I had made some discussions about winners with my good pal, Louie, on the Daytonapolis Five Hunnert and I didn’t get to see who won! Now I didn’t say we was bettin or anything, did I? Noooooo. Just discussions like, Hey Lou, who do you think will win and if they don’t win you can be my pal and send me summa those hot wings yer eatin that day. That sorta thing. Nodoggy was wired. Nodoggy was breakin international laws of transit, just cuz Lou lives in Caneeda and mails me stuff that should probably have been inspected and discarded years ago that I will enjoy eatin anyway. We didn’t say ANY of this stuff on deesposable cell phones. All the time I gets accused of stuff I didn’t do yet, but was only thinking about doing. It’s a crime to be treated like this.

And don’t even get me started on Anniebelly Bossypants, my lil sister. It’s all, lately, just a buncha hooey!!!

11 comments:

Laura said...

Happy Birthday you handsome boy! And I sure would have liked one of those cookies - I hope you enjoyed it!

Pearl said...

Howie my sweetheart,

I am sending a car to your house to pick you up. We have to get you away from all of this mistreatment! Especially on your BIRFDAY!?!

The car will bring you up I-35 to me. And I will fan you with big giant leaves and feed you lil' smokies and cheese. Ok?!

See you soon!

xoxoxo

Salinger The Pug said...

Happy Birffday Howie!!!!

Mom had to look twice at that pic of you with your cookie...it looks like someone is yanking your TONGUE right out of your mouth!!

You didn't get to watch the five hunnert???? That's a load of bull$#it! I think Hank DVR'd it, so you and Pearly can drive on over to Indy to see it!

Happy birthday dude!

Love,
S-Dog

Benny and Lily said...

Happee Birthday big boy! We wouldn't share that cookie either. It sure looks yummE. Hope you have a fun TV watching day
Benny & Lily

Sequoia & Petunia said...

Dearest Howie

Oh the stuff they do to yous...not acceptables. I barks at my Dads TV he freaks out but Mom lets me do it anyways. I even trys to touch it with my paw, can't but I trys hard. Freaks the craps out of Dad I might scratch it, whatevers!

I hope you get some really good treats today and hope your birfdays is better next year!

Birfday hugs,
Sequoia

Hank said...

Howie, buddy.....first of all, I wanna wish ya a happy birfday. How old are ya now, bud?

Second of all.....next time yer dad has his face glued to the tv, grab his wallet an' gitcha a ticket tuh Indy fer next May. I'm just a stone's throw from the Indy Five Hunnerd. We'll make a day of it, an' then you can rub it in yer dad's face!

Wilma said...

Hey there Howie, This here is Sluggo. HAppy Birthday bro. I just heard about the injustices you are suffering over there. It aint right. Look, if Pearl can't break you out let us know. She gave Wilma the idea to steal the car keys so Mom will stay home. We could probably sneak out while they sleep and rescue you from those inhumane conditions. Hang in there buddy.

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Oh sweet Howie
Happy Birthday my friend.
Would you like to go for a ride with me in my magic balloon to get you out of the house?
Course I don't want to make anyone jealous ya know
HAPPY BIRTHDAY and you are so cute with the cookererooo.
love
tweedles

Puglette said...

happy birthday, sweet howie! i am sorry you can't watch such exciting programming any more. but i do understand. our ollie lunges at the flat screen tv as well. it always makes me nervous to watch him jump up and try and bite something on the screen. i worry that the tv will fall and squish him. maybe that's what your folks are worried about too.
have a great birthday!
hugs,
puglette
:o)

Stubby said...

Hi Howie! I didn't know it was your birthday. How could your maw have kept this from me? Hmmm. Something smells mighty fishy.

I think if things don't get better you should run away. Like far away. Like to Illinois. Like to my house. I can't promise that Mom will let you watch all those tv shows but I can promise you that Dad will cook for you. Delicious!

Stubby xoxo

Melissa and Emmitt said...

oh happy happy birfday howie!

we are so sorry we missed the big day!

there is a truck load of mini meatloaves on the way to you right now with lots of birthday candles in the back.

and you do not have to share!

xoxoxo

m & e